so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize