Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
