so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
