you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
how does that bad decision feel?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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