Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize