so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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