ya dads aren't the best wingmen
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
