he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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