very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
