I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
