I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
