I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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