I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
