So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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