I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
