Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
