You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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