I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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