someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
