i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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