His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
