I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
