I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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