I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
