So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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