Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
