He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Text me some of your sweat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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