hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
