There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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