HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
