I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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