watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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