I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
