got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
