the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
