Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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