Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
