even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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