And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
