He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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