but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
