My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
