I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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