i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
