well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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