I think im going to throw up on grandma
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
