I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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