So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
where does the pee come out of this thing
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
