I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
