i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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