I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
