I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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