My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
