Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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