Screwed.edu
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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