I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
