I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
