drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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