how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
