the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
