If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
