Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize