i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
