im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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