I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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