She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My breasts were aching with rage.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
