I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
