There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
