Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
