I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
