So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize