YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
