You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize