I think I am morally bankrupt
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
