guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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