How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
