i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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