He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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