she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
