If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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