I cockslap morals
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
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