Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
