He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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