Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
