Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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