I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
