i just made my gag reflex go away.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
