mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
