Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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