Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
