So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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