did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
