meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
