First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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