I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
