If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
ttyl tear gas
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize