she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
