I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
