Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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