I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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