I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
