I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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