Already got asked if we're dating
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
