Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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