you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
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