dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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