I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
