Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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