My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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