that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
