my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
