Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
