you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
