also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
