Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
