I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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