Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
